_FourTwenty_
(stranger)
1/17/01 11:50 AM
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Need advice desperately
[Post#: 89554
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Greetings all. I have a complicated situation and I don't know how to handle it. I am living with my girlfriend of about 3 years now (possibly future wife), and she has a 6 year old girl from a previous relationship. We both smoke, frequently (almost every day). Recently her daughter told one of her friends that she "thought her mom smoked pot". Her friend is a little older, and realized that this isn't something she should be sharing with the world, so she told my girlfriend what she had said (that's how we found out). Needless to say this was quite a shock to both of us. We didn't even think she knew what it was, she's only 6. What are we supposed to tell her? I think if she was older we would just be honest with her and tell her our position on marijuana (should be legalized, less harmful than alcohol, etc.). But, with her only being 6 years old we don't know how to handle the situation. Reason being is two fold: 1) Does a 6 year old have the mental capacity to understand something as complex as the current state of marijuana ideology, and marijuana laws? 2) 6 year olds are not good about keeping secrets. If she were to tell the wrong person the repercussions would be extreme (jail, fines, loss of custody, job, etc.), as I'm sure you all know.
What do we do? Do we tell her? Try to keep it a secret until she's older? Or, just simply stop smoking?
I'm wondering if there is anyone out there that has ever been in the same situation. I would like to know how you handled it, and what the outcome was.
Thanks in advance!
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Bullitt
(stranger
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1/17/01 12:52 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 89564
/ re: 89554
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Hi FourTwenty,
My Wife and I did not smoke in front of our children either. Both knew that we did anyway. We didn't approach it as a smoking thing only. We included anything we said or did in our own home or between the family. Nothing was to be talked about with other people unless it had been discussed with us first. Our children realized that if they talked about some things, with the wrong people, they could be taken away from us. No, they didn't want that to happen ;-)
Anyway, it really depends on how much your 6 year old understands as to what you might tell them. Ours understood the situation, others may not. If you don't think yours can, then you should not let them know about the smoking and explain that talking about things like that can get them taken away from thier parents, whether those things are true or not. Unfortunately, teachers and other adults in authority positions are all too enthusiastic about trying to pry into the private matters of other people. They disguise it as trying to find out if the child is being molested. The problem is, in the vast majority of cases, that they only want to bust the parents for other things or dig up some kind of dirt that in no way benifits the children.
I am thankful every day that both of our children grew up accepting the culture and knowing that out of all the adults they know, they can always trust us.
Hell yes I inhaled!!
Later,
Bullitt
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bliss
(newbie)
1/17/01 02:12 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 89575
/ re: 89554
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I am in a similar situation, my boyfriend has a six year old daughter. I took her to my Dad's and she smelled a freshly smoked joint and said "This place smells like my Uncle Mikey's, he's in a wheelchair". I knew that she had been around pot before. I let her know that it is medicine, and that I would rather use plant medicine than colored pills.
It's tough, however, I am proud to tell her all she needs to know about cannabis. Let her know the difference between manufactured cigarettes and marijuana. Teach her about pesticides and pharmaceutical pills. I even went so far as to do a skit about Dupont and the Demon Weed, she thought it was hilarious. Kids can handle the truth. Make it fun and educational.
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green_girl
(newbie)
1/19/01 08:37 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 90115
/ re: 89575
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LOL what a great idea bliss!
Also, if the 6 year old is astute enough to recognize that you're smoking pot, she's definitely capable of understanding the situation. Never underestimate childrens' capabilities.
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Dana Larsen
(superposter)
1/20/01 03:26 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 90306
/ re: 89554
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There's absolutely nothing wrong with telling your kids what pot is and why yuo enjoy it. My daughter sees me toking all the time.
The only problem is that kids are bad secret-keepers. If you are growing or in a harsh legal climate you don't want to be busted because your kid told a friend/teacher/cop about what you like to smoke/grow.
Dana Larsen
Editor, Cannabis Culture Magazine
ccmag@cannabisculture.com
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Dana Larsen
(superposter)
1/20/01 03:27 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 90308
/ re: 90306
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Daughter informs on parents
A 12-year old girl in Oklahoma reported on her parents' use of marijuana, resulting in her parents being arrested and charged with "possession of controlled dangerous substances in the presence of a child under 12" and possession of drug paraphernalia.
The girl brought some of her parents’ pot to her school principal, who notified police. The couple were charged January 3.
Dana Larsen
Editor, Cannabis Culture Magazine
ccmag@cannabisculture.com
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da!!pinnkster
(member)
1/21/01 11:24 AM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 90446
/ re: 90308
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dana...okay, that's sick! absolutely disqusting! ive been smoking since 10, by 12 i was quite politically minded, could think for myself. i've always been able to think for myself though.
fourtwenty, i think honesty's the best policy. if u and your girlfriend decide to be open about your smoking with her daughter, let her know the consequences that could happen if she doesnt keep it a secret: her mom could be taken away, or the big bad mean government could take her away from her mother. let her know that u 2 r telling her the truth because u love her and dont think it's right to hide something that u love from someone u love. that's what i would do. i think that a 6 yr old might not be able to understand the complexity of "war on drugs", but being potentially sepparated from her mother is something that she would understand and keep with her. also when she's older, ur honesty would definetely b appreciated.
just my $.02
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Slothbear
(enthusiast)
1/21/01 03:48 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 90520
/ re: 90446
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da!!Pinkster: Your copying my end terminology (just my 2 cents..) :)
How come when you owe a bookies money, and he brakes your legs, you still owe him the money?
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jeezimidiot
(superposter)
1/24/01 12:49 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 91262
/ re: 89554
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being honest is not the thing to do here. a 6 year old(like you said) does not have the mental capacity to know exactly whats right and whats wrong. think about the conseqences if she told... not only for you but for your daughter. Think about it... The purpose of D.A.R.E is to get kids to tell on their parents. With programs like that out there its not risking your kid's future. She could end up living in a foster home.. you dont want that. Id wait till she is older and is experiencing it on a social level. When i was 6 i thought drugs were evil... because of teachers and t.v. ads that made me think that way. She probably thinks the same way. So... id wait. Good luck!
" with the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon "
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shiznitz
(stranger
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2/28/01 03:06 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 100682
/ re: 91262
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I am only 16 yrs. old, but I think I know enough about things that I can give some advice on this subject.
When I was six, I thought drugs were bad. My mother has never tried any illegal drugs, and she is a very gullible person. I love my mother, but she believes anything she hears (SUV's are deathtraps, marijuana is BAD BAD BAD!) Anyways, because of her influence, and also because of the various television ads and programs, teachers, police officers, etc. telling me that drugs were bad, I grew up with a knowledge of drugs that equalled zero. All I knew was that they were bad, and anyone that used illegal drugs was an "evil" person.
It was my father that started to influence me heavily in the other direction and continues to influence me with his smart thinking and great advice. He told me about his experiences with drugs: how he has tried all kinds of them, and how he didn't really like them. He told me about my uncle and a few cousins who smoke marijuana, and told me that it is the same, if not better for you, than alcohol or ciggarrettes. He was very open with me, and gave me nothing but the truth about drugs, and other topics such as sex, politics, etc. At first I didn't really understand him. He's telling me one thing, everyone else (including my mom) was telling me the opposite. Lucky for me, I am growing up to be a "non-gullible" person who will search for the facts before I believe anything that someone tells me.
Well, my advice to you parents out there with children, is to let them know the truth about drugs, and tell them if you smoke up or not. This will bring you closer to your kids. Afterall, you don't want your children to hide things from you. I must admit, I still don't tell my parents everything. I don't even talk to my dad about things like sex or drugs, simply because he will tell my mother. I think my dad is much more understanding because he has gone through these experiences. My mother has never tried ANY illegal drugs, and her parents didn't really tell her about all these issues either. I guess that is why she does not "get" marijuana.
The only risk you take by telling your kids that you smoke pot has been mentioned before by others: Children cannot keep secrets. When they are little they are encouraged my teachers, police, even their friends sometimes, to tell on their parents. This can be avoided I guess if you let your kids know that they can be taken away, and the causes that you yourself might face, if the police/social services ever found out that you smoked pot.
But as your children grow older, you won't really need to be concerned that your kid is gonna tell his teacher about you. Now you'll have to be worried about if he/she is telling their friends. They might say something like "My parents smoke pot, isn't that cool?" to a "friend" who has been taught that marijuana is bad, and this friend might in turn tell an authority figure. Also, your kid might be in a VERY bad mood or just had a big fight with you, and their way of getting back is by telling a teacher/police officer that you smoke pot. This will probably only happen if they don't realize the consequences of such an action. This is why it is important to inform your children about the truth and the consequences of marijuana.
Just be honest, and let your children know the truth about everything, not just pot. This will give them a better outlook on life, and they won't steer their children in the wrong way, like so many other parents (including one of mine) have done.
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