_FourTwenty_
(stranger)
1/17/01 11:50 AM
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Need advice desperately
[Post#: 89554
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Greetings all. I have a complicated situation and I don't know how to handle it. I am living with my girlfriend of about 3 years now (possibly future wife), and she has a 6 year old girl from a previous relationship. We both smoke, frequently (almost every day). Recently her daughter told one of her friends that she "thought her mom smoked pot". Her friend is a little older, and realized that this isn't something she should be sharing with the world, so she told my girlfriend what she had said (that's how we found out). Needless to say this was quite a shock to both of us. We didn't even think she knew what it was, she's only 6. What are we supposed to tell her? I think if she was older we would just be honest with her and tell her our position on marijuana (should be legalized, less harmful than alcohol, etc.). But, with her only being 6 years old we don't know how to handle the situation. Reason being is two fold: 1) Does a 6 year old have the mental capacity to understand something as complex as the current state of marijuana ideology, and marijuana laws? 2) 6 year olds are not good about keeping secrets. If she were to tell the wrong person the repercussions would be extreme (jail, fines, loss of custody, job, etc.), as I'm sure you all know.
What do we do? Do we tell her? Try to keep it a secret until she's older? Or, just simply stop smoking?
I'm wondering if there is anyone out there that has ever been in the same situation. I would like to know how you handled it, and what the outcome was.
Thanks in advance!
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Bullitt
(stranger
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1/17/01 12:52 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 89564
/ re: 89554
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Hi FourTwenty,
My Wife and I did not smoke in front of our children either. Both knew that we did anyway. We didn't approach it as a smoking thing only. We included anything we said or did in our own home or between the family. Nothing was to be talked about with other people unless it had been discussed with us first. Our children realized that if they talked about some things, with the wrong people, they could be taken away from us. No, they didn't want that to happen ;-)
Anyway, it really depends on how much your 6 year old understands as to what you might tell them. Ours understood the situation, others may not. If you don't think yours can, then you should not let them know about the smoking and explain that talking about things like that can get them taken away from thier parents, whether those things are true or not. Unfortunately, teachers and other adults in authority positions are all too enthusiastic about trying to pry into the private matters of other people. They disguise it as trying to find out if the child is being molested. The problem is, in the vast majority of cases, that they only want to bust the parents for other things or dig up some kind of dirt that in no way benifits the children.
I am thankful every day that both of our children grew up accepting the culture and knowing that out of all the adults they know, they can always trust us.
Hell yes I inhaled!!
Later,
Bullitt
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bliss
(newbie)
1/17/01 02:12 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 89575
/ re: 89554
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I am in a similar situation, my boyfriend has a six year old daughter. I took her to my Dad's and she smelled a freshly smoked joint and said "This place smells like my Uncle Mikey's, he's in a wheelchair". I knew that she had been around pot before. I let her know that it is medicine, and that I would rather use plant medicine than colored pills.
It's tough, however, I am proud to tell her all she needs to know about cannabis. Let her know the difference between manufactured cigarettes and marijuana. Teach her about pesticides and pharmaceutical pills. I even went so far as to do a skit about Dupont and the Demon Weed, she thought it was hilarious. Kids can handle the truth. Make it fun and educational.
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green_girl
(newbie)
1/19/01 08:37 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 90115
/ re: 89575
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LOL what a great idea bliss!
Also, if the 6 year old is astute enough to recognize that you're smoking pot, she's definitely capable of understanding the situation. Never underestimate childrens' capabilities.
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Dana Larsen
(superposter)
1/20/01 03:26 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 90306
/ re: 89554
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There's absolutely nothing wrong with telling your kids what pot is and why yuo enjoy it. My daughter sees me toking all the time.
The only problem is that kids are bad secret-keepers. If you are growing or in a harsh legal climate you don't want to be busted because your kid told a friend/teacher/cop about what you like to smoke/grow.
Dana Larsen
Editor, Cannabis Culture Magazine
ccmag@cannabisculture.com
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Dana Larsen
(superposter)
1/20/01 03:27 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 90308
/ re: 90306
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Daughter informs on parents
A 12-year old girl in Oklahoma reported on her parents' use of marijuana, resulting in her parents being arrested and charged with "possession of controlled dangerous substances in the presence of a child under 12" and possession of drug paraphernalia.
The girl brought some of her parents’ pot to her school principal, who notified police. The couple were charged January 3.
Dana Larsen
Editor, Cannabis Culture Magazine
ccmag@cannabisculture.com
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da!!pinnkster
(member)
1/21/01 11:24 AM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 90446
/ re: 90308
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dana...okay, that's sick! absolutely disqusting! ive been smoking since 10, by 12 i was quite politically minded, could think for myself. i've always been able to think for myself though.
fourtwenty, i think honesty's the best policy. if u and your girlfriend decide to be open about your smoking with her daughter, let her know the consequences that could happen if she doesnt keep it a secret: her mom could be taken away, or the big bad mean government could take her away from her mother. let her know that u 2 r telling her the truth because u love her and dont think it's right to hide something that u love from someone u love. that's what i would do. i think that a 6 yr old might not be able to understand the complexity of "war on drugs", but being potentially sepparated from her mother is something that she would understand and keep with her. also when she's older, ur honesty would definetely b appreciated.
just my $.02
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Slothbear
(enthusiast)
1/21/01 03:48 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 90520
/ re: 90446
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da!!Pinkster: Your copying my end terminology (just my 2 cents..) :)
How come when you owe a bookies money, and he brakes your legs, you still owe him the money?
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jeezimidiot
(superposter)
1/24/01 12:49 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 91262
/ re: 89554
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being honest is not the thing to do here. a 6 year old(like you said) does not have the mental capacity to know exactly whats right and whats wrong. think about the conseqences if she told... not only for you but for your daughter. Think about it... The purpose of D.A.R.E is to get kids to tell on their parents. With programs like that out there its not risking your kid's future. She could end up living in a foster home.. you dont want that. Id wait till she is older and is experiencing it on a social level. When i was 6 i thought drugs were evil... because of teachers and t.v. ads that made me think that way. She probably thinks the same way. So... id wait. Good luck!
" with the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon "
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shiznitz
(stranger
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2/28/01 03:06 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 100682
/ re: 91262
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I am only 16 yrs. old, but I think I know enough about things that I can give some advice on this subject.
When I was six, I thought drugs were bad. My mother has never tried any illegal drugs, and she is a very gullible person. I love my mother, but she believes anything she hears (SUV's are deathtraps, marijuana is BAD BAD BAD!) Anyways, because of her influence, and also because of the various television ads and programs, teachers, police officers, etc. telling me that drugs were bad, I grew up with a knowledge of drugs that equalled zero. All I knew was that they were bad, and anyone that used illegal drugs was an "evil" person.
It was my father that started to influence me heavily in the other direction and continues to influence me with his smart thinking and great advice. He told me about his experiences with drugs: how he has tried all kinds of them, and how he didn't really like them. He told me about my uncle and a few cousins who smoke marijuana, and told me that it is the same, if not better for you, than alcohol or ciggarrettes. He was very open with me, and gave me nothing but the truth about drugs, and other topics such as sex, politics, etc. At first I didn't really understand him. He's telling me one thing, everyone else (including my mom) was telling me the opposite. Lucky for me, I am growing up to be a "non-gullible" person who will search for the facts before I believe anything that someone tells me.
Well, my advice to you parents out there with children, is to let them know the truth about drugs, and tell them if you smoke up or not. This will bring you closer to your kids. Afterall, you don't want your children to hide things from you. I must admit, I still don't tell my parents everything. I don't even talk to my dad about things like sex or drugs, simply because he will tell my mother. I think my dad is much more understanding because he has gone through these experiences. My mother has never tried ANY illegal drugs, and her parents didn't really tell her about all these issues either. I guess that is why she does not "get" marijuana.
The only risk you take by telling your kids that you smoke pot has been mentioned before by others: Children cannot keep secrets. When they are little they are encouraged my teachers, police, even their friends sometimes, to tell on their parents. This can be avoided I guess if you let your kids know that they can be taken away, and the causes that you yourself might face, if the police/social services ever found out that you smoked pot.
But as your children grow older, you won't really need to be concerned that your kid is gonna tell his teacher about you. Now you'll have to be worried about if he/she is telling their friends. They might say something like "My parents smoke pot, isn't that cool?" to a "friend" who has been taught that marijuana is bad, and this friend might in turn tell an authority figure. Also, your kid might be in a VERY bad mood or just had a big fight with you, and their way of getting back is by telling a teacher/police officer that you smoke pot. This will probably only happen if they don't realize the consequences of such an action. This is why it is important to inform your children about the truth and the consequences of marijuana.
Just be honest, and let your children know the truth about everything, not just pot. This will give them a better outlook on life, and they won't steer their children in the wrong way, like so many other parents (including one of mine) have done.
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green_girl
(newbie)
2/28/01 06:32 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 100759
/ re: 100682
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I have to dissagree with jeezimanidiot (complicated name there) Not all 6yr olds are alike, and they learn what's "bad" from you (the parent) more than from anyone else. A 6 yr old can very easily be taught what is, and what isn't appropriate to share with others. A
As was mentioned earlier, if the consequences are related to her up-front about what could happen (eg the police would come and take her away from mommy and soon-to-be-daddy, and then she couldn't see them anymore and they would miss her very very much) well, needless to say, a kid can understand that.
Children are so much more observant and understanding than we realize. Think of all the times you held a (so you thought) quiet argument or discussed something private only to have your kid ask you questions about it later. :)
And even if a child doesn't "know" what right and wrong are...that's our job as adults! :) You're her teachers.
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4free
(member)
2/28/01 06:41 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 100761
/ re: 100759
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Well Jeez, that's some pretty bad advice... I would tell your kid the truth... and that you will be in alot of trouble if anyone nows about the doja! The truth is a good way to stay honest! Staying honest, will help keep the trust! Worked with me and my parents, hope it works for you guys. Good luck!
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4free
(enthusiast)
3/30/01 12:13 PM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 110679
/ re: 100761
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Furthermore...Although thats what the dare program is about Jeez (ratting on parents), thats all the more reason to educate your children about the truth...what happens if your kid doesn't realize you smoke (because you lied) then he or she see's you one day and automatically knows to tell DARE because thats what you taught them as being acceptable? Well I would want to completley explain why the DARE program is bad for the family( and society), and I would also explain the notion of propghanda. I think the sooner we learn of propaghanda in society the more easily propaghanda will be apparent in the future. If a six year old has the mental capacity to rat on their parents, then they MUST understand the implications of doing so. I don't know what you were like when you were six, but I defintely would have understood these notions! Tell on daddy = lose daddy! It wasn't stupid advice Jeez, since getting busted would suck, but I really feel lying is not the answer AT ALL!
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obsidmoe
(journeyman)
3/31/01 00:37 AM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 110894
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4free, that was exactly what i was told when i was four. I remember being told not to mention anything about daddy's special room. I remember being six and watching my parents be very happy and loving parents all the while taking care of a garden. I remember being told that not everyone agrees on what dad is doing and that if certain people were to find out that then dad might be taken away for it. I remember the first tinme a dare officer was introduced to our class and remember well how much bullshit they tried to instill in us. My class was the first sixth grade class, and studies have shown drug usage in some cases have actually gone up with the program in effect. I asked most of my friends that remember taking the program and most agree with me they taught me more on what to take and what not to take to an extent and to an other really peaked mine and others' in other types of drugs, lsd being a really fascinating one as i recall. I couldn't believe that a small square of paper would make a person "crazy" for lack of better description, for such a long time. Well, they did teach me a few things, cigarettes are bad, but knew that from my parents anyways, self esteem and drug use comparisions were always discussed, we had to particpate in mock plays, one kid was a dealer, the other two were "good" kids, and how to handle the situation as it varies. It if I remember well was a giagantic waste of time to my "free" public education. I wish i had home schooling, right now i am home schooling myself in Physics, some Calculus, Electrical engineering, among other botanical intrests i pursue. : }
War cannot be humanized, it can only be abolished.
albert einstein
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SanFranGrower
(enthusiast)
4/8/01 07:08 AM
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Re: Need advice desperately
[Post#: 113942
/ re: 89554
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Thankas for starting this thread.. I'm in same situation basically. Fiance of long time.. ahs 4 year old daughter from previous marriage. Fiance and I both toke a lot (almost every day) how to best handle this. Especially when I'm planning on cultivating in a large closet in the basement. I thought about mixing in a whole bunch of other flowers, vegetables, etc.. just to keep her interested in the other plants should she find a way into the locked and secured area.
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